Letters from the Moon: gravity and comic books

July 26, 2005

gravity and comic books

This weekend I finally sat down and opened the welcome packet that the the Guild of Lunar Realtors gives to every lunar emigré upon arrival. It has the usual information for new homeowners -- the covenants and governance bullshit -- and it lists the legal holidays; the members of the local chamber of commerce; it has one of those cartoon maps, you know the kind, it shows the crater where you live in really big and full of detail, with the florist, the bicycle store, and the Starbucks and the other Starbucks, and then, getting progressively smaller, Mare Imbrium, the rest of the Moon, then the Earth, Mars, the Solar System, the Andromeda Galaxy, and then away off in the distance, the thin little sliver of California. In the packet there were also some coupons from Dunkin Donuts and a personal greeting from the local representative of EdwardJones offering to help you make sense of investing. They say anything is possible on the moon.

An excerpt from Welcome to the Moon an illustrated color pamphlet © & ® Guild of Lunators

...the force of gravity on the moon is about a sixth of the gravity on the earth. This is because the mass of the moon is smaller and so the force of attraction is proportionally reduced. Scientific fact. We're sure you will enjoy the invigorating effects of the reduced gravity, you'll find you can lift large objects and throw them great distances, you can run faster and jump higher...

the moon is better than a new pair of PF Flyers, no question... It is a fact, Jack, that on the moon you can easily lift boulders the size of a minivan. You can hit a golf ball about a mile and a quarter, or two kilometers depending on if you speak imperial or celsius.

Because of this, the comic books on the moon can be hard to get used to. I'm accustomed to the superheros that can fly, or run really fast, or smash steel doors to splinters with their bare hands. But on the moon, that's all ho-hum stuff, stuff that pretty much everybody here can do before breakfast and not need to call home about it. So the comic book people have had to reinvent the superhero genre, and find new characters that really transcend the normal boundaries into the impossible. I stopped at the bus station this morning on the way to the office and picked up a few titles... Some of them are just unbelievable, if you want, I'll send them to you when I'm done with them...

Johnny Empath #7

after I read this one I just knew I had to get the first six issues. Johnny Empath stops and thinks... and then he feels... what his friends are going through. And then -- get this -- when it happens, he acts on it! Like it was no big deal. He's this little guy with glasses and a t-shirt that says, "I get it...mostly." He developed this strange power when he was bitten by a radioactive chameleon. Issue seven ends on a cliffhanger in which we're going to find out if Johnny can be empathetic OVER THE PHONE!

Conan the Rotarian Super Special #5

this one you just have to see to believe. Rated MT for Mature Teens, and with good reason.

Honest Relationships #414

Frankly, I thought this was just way over the top, it made me wistful for the golden age of comics when the superhero was someone you could relate to as a person, somebody you could believe in... somebody who could become invisible, or fly and turn into fire, or travel in time, or even practice law honestly.

Senator Sam Sincere #34

Senator Sincere is a gag comic book about a guy who gets appointed to the Senate to finish out the last two years of the term of Senator Shadow, who's been sent to prison (by mistake) for embezzlement and bribery. (He's totally guilty of course, it was just a mistake that he was actually sent to prison for it.) Anyway, Senator Sam is an earnest little man who thinks that when a Senator speaks, that they actually mean what they say. Can you imagine? This one's hilarious.

...my favorite of the ones I found on the rack in the bus station this morning was

Considerate Drivers -- All Story! Collection #127

this might be too far fetched for some people, but I really enjoyed it. The editor's note on page one says that every story in the book is true. This issue had four stories, including a really good one about a BMW driver who used his turn signal. It sounds lurid I know, but hey, it's only a comic book.

posted by matthew at 02:06 AM

... including a really good one about a BMW driver who used his turn signal.

I was a believer right up to this point but I'm afraid this is just too fanciful, even for a comic!

Say, while you're up there, could you do a little research for me?
I'm very interested in the fabled Moonstonehenge. Does it really exist? Are tours available direct from Earth?

I'm really interested in the geometry of the site. Is it true you can predict every full-Earth from the orientation of the blocks?

'tis a very exciting location you live. so many questions. I can't wait to hear about the neighbors!

posted by: derek on July 26, 2005 08:05 AM

earth to matthew.. earth to matthew... come in matthew

posted by: derek on July 26, 2005 09:39 AM

Wasn't it Wensleydale?

posted by: Cynde on July 27, 2005 06:16 PM