sam folded the paper to the back pages and asked me which team i was rooting for in the sweet sixteen. i said budweiser. he said what do you mean budweiser, they're not playing. i said, oh yeah? he said, yeah, it's college teams. i said, hey sam, get a freaking clue. if you want to back a winner, back the sponsors. sports is all the same thing. one team wins, the other team ...loses. big deal. ok ok, i said, now and then, there's a tie, whoopie. all the sports writer does is change the names.. the rest of the story stays the same. i said, pull out all the sports reporting that has ever been written, you'll see for yourself. he said, you're full of bullshit, and he gave me some organic pills, these'll clear you out, he said. you and elvis both.

i said, you know sam, i think you should get your hands on the post-game interviews from all the championships from the past ten years and listen to what the coaches and players say. i think there must be a course in college where they memorize those tired lines. the coaches all get together in the off-season and promise each other what they'll say. it'd be refreshing to hear just one of them say something that was true, something like 'this means a lot of money for me, i've been wanting a new boat.' or house or plane or non-profit tax-shelter foundation or whatever.

sparky was drinking his miloko and sucking quietly on his toroid, he puts it down and says, you know, there's no such thing as a terrorist.

sam looks at him, what are you talking about? of course there is.

no, says sparky. terror is something nobody can put inside you, it's something you create within yourself.

sam says, sparky, you've really lost me. those bastards blew up our buildings, they shot down our planes, they killed innocent people.

sparky says to him, sam, fear isn't a drug you take, it's not injectable, any more than courage is. if there could be such a thing as a terrorist, there could also be such a thing as a courage-ist. those bastards only get as much power as people give them. they want people to be afraid. they're merchants of fear, but we don't have to buy the shit they're selling, we have a choice.

sam says to him, you're a subversive bastard, you know that?

sparky looks at me and he says, if somebody says 'terrorist' you know what i just realized? THEY are trying to be a merchant of fear themselves. fuck 'em. fuck em all.

he put out his cigarette and went out the back door.