May 22, 2007
for some reason
i did a search for "Education for Dummies" but the best google could do was this.
Posted by matthew at 10:13 PM | Comments (1)
January 26, 2007
eulogy
the man in that box had limitations.
each of us knows what it meant to be hurt by him, by his limitations.
and we're all like him in that way. the outcome of what we do is never what we intend. in our ignorance and our selfishness we wound the ones we love most.
we all have something we would like to be forgiven. we're like him in that way.
we're different from him right now, in that we are alive, the shape of our future isn't set yet.
life is a gift, a treasure.
if not for that man, I would not have had the opportunity to experience life, and I'm grateful for that.
and I intend to prove it.
every day.
Posted by matthew at 09:38 PM | Comments (4)
January 21, 2007
my father
my father is dying, his heart is failing. I remember when his father was dying. I was in grade school. my grandfather smoked pall mall. we visited him in the hospital. there were cartons of cigarettes under his bed.
there are no cigarettes under my father's bed, there's nothing there at all. my father is still alive because he is breathing. in and out. my sister says there are scabs in his mouth now.
i went to see him. i thought i might be able to get a word from him for my two sisters, something for each of them. i took a pen and paper. my daughter went with me. we drove all day and found the hospital after dark. we went in and around and up and around to his room. a nurse let us in.
he was lying on a hospital bed, his robe was open, he had tubes in every opening in his body. his eyes were closed. i tried to block my daughters view while i covered him up. his mouth was open and he was breathing. i said, 'dad, it's me, can you open your eyes?' he was breathing with his mouth open. he needed a shave. i took his hand in mine. i squeezed it. he grasped my hand in his, and moved his other hand to hold mine. he moved his leg off the bed, he wanted to get up. i put his leg back on the bed and i said, 'don't get up. can you open your eyes?' he kept breathing. he tried to get up again. the nurse said, 'it's best to be quiet, he'll stay calm.'
he wanted to find a way out, to get away from the path in front of him. he was strapped into the bed with a harness. he kept his eyes closed.
i kissed him. his forehead was smooth. 'peace, old man.'
i let go of his hand and turned to leave. the nurse said, 'aren't you going to stay with him any longer?'
i said, 'he's not going to change, is he? he's not coming out of this?' she said, 'no.'
i said, 'if he needs a kidney, i'll give it. but there's nothing anyone can do.' she said, 'that's right.'
my daughter and i found our way out and back to my car. i told her, 'no one is born alone, but we all die alone.'
i didn't need the pen, didn't need the paper. there was nothing there for me to get for my sisters, nothing there anymore, for anyone.
my father is dying, but i am not. not yet.
Posted by matthew at 10:49 PM | Comments (5)
December 21, 2006
iconography of free association
one
two
three
four
five
six
seven
eight
nine
ten
eleven
twelve
thirteen
fourteen
fifteen
sixteen
seventeen
eighteen
nineteen
twenty
twenty one
twenty two
twenty three
twenty four
twenty five
twenty six
twenty seven
twenty eight
twenty nine
thirty
thirty one
thirty two
thirty three
thirty four
thirty five
thirty six
thirty seven
thirty eight
thirty nine
forty
forty one
forty two
forty three
forty four
forty five
forty six
forty seven
forty eight
enough
Posted by matthew at 09:51 PM | Comments (1)
March 04, 2006
what's up with THAT?
...so, i'm all hip and cool and everything, and i know people who send me songs and recommendations and stuff, i even have my own XM station going for me and all like that, because i am so, you know, totally with it, and so i am grooving along with iTunes and iMyself am looking at the sort criteria that are available, you know you can sort them by song Name, or by Play Count, or by Time, or by Artist, or by Album -- BY ALBUM???
isn't an album one of those shiney black vinyl things that comes in a cardboard sleeve, sometimes it's a fold-out that is great for getting the seeds out, and you play albums on a turntable, or the late-night disk-jockey does...
all the hip and cool and with-it bands that my friends listen to always say, "This song is on our new CD." ...i mean, isn't it a litmus test to figure out if an artist has jumped the shark if, at their concerts, they say, "This song is on the new album." -- if you say that don't you get played on oldies stations?
i thought iTunes was all about the end of the Album. shoot -- i thought iTunes was all about the end of the CD!!
the Album is dead. Long Live the Album!
Posted by matthew at 04:29 PM | Comments (6)